Mother's Day for ALL

We are in May.

The month of Mother's. I am a mom. But this year Mother's day brings me so many feelings of joy, sorrow, blessings, and hardships.

I am mom to Patrick. My 2 year old rambunctious wild child. He is a mommy's boy and requires his mommy cuddles every evening. He is constantly testing his own limits and learning new things. He loves music and dancing, dinosaurs, cars, and dirt...a local mom came up to me at the park just to tell me she has never seen a child love to get covered and dig in mulch as much as my son. Yep! That's my beautiful curly top boy!

I am mom to Colin. My sweet sweet little pandemic baby. He is our observer. He goes and loves to watch people and is so very curious about the world around him (almost like he has been stuck around the same 3 people his entire life until now 😜). He definitely started the dinosaur craze in our house! He loves dinosaurs, music, and trying to play with exactly what big brother has in any given moment. He is a mommy's boy through and through. (Sorry Tomek) He shoves Patrick around more than Patrick does him. He likes to show that mommy's lap is his so he will fling his entire body across my lap just to take it all up.

I am an earthly mom to heavenly babies Declan and Adeline (and technically baby H). They are our baby dragons. We experienced so many emotions just in finding out we conceived them 3.5 months after our vasectomy. We have been told many things about why they aren't earthside or how this is a blessing but this mother's day is especially hard knowing these two sweet angels were supposed to be in our arms May 22nd, 2021. This month. This year. But instead I am trying to figure out how to get them a memorial stone since we couldn't have a funeral. We are finding ways to still celebrate them and acknowledge all of the emotions they have brought us.

Thanks to Declan and Adeline we have the home we are in. We would've never considered this stunning home with a view of a lake that truly reminds me of God's presence and peace if it weren't for being pregnant with our twin dragons.

I hurt knowing I will never get to watch my little girl spin around in sparkly tutus, help her pick out her wedding dress, or walk down the aisle with my husband guiding her to her future husband. We won't have any of these experiences as our one and only daughter is in heaven.

I hurt knowing little Declan, who was last seen cuddling his sister in the womb, will never be seen here loving on his siblings, wrestling with his big brothers, playing soccer like his parents, or any of the other amazing milestones we will see from his big brothers.

Despite all the hurt I feel, I am also reminded of the beautiful words of our aunt Michele that our babies are in heaven with their great grandparents right now. They are being smothered by their love and no doubt dziadzio is soaking up every bit of it until we are able to meet them ourselves one day. My grandmother is there with them and sharing all of the wonderful mothering she gave me with our babies now.

This mother's day, thanks to our experience, I am reminded of the fact that there are mother's that will be feeling all kinds of emotions as well that they are "invisible moms" as their babies are all heavenly babies. Please know that I see you and I honor you as well! You are still a mom! You are one of the strongest types of moms there are and one day you will be reunited with your heavenly babies as well!

Happy Mother's Day to all types of moms out there (including those single parent dads!)