The 10 Most asked Questions by Brides:

1. H​ow can I let attendees know where I am registered? T​raditionally word of mouth is seen as the only "proper" way to inform people. However, I do not believe this to be seen as true anymore. Many send out save-the-dates and when doing so they put at the bottom or on the back where they are registered. Note that when doing so it does not mean you can put it on every piece of paper (save-the-dates, invitations, etc.) but I do believe you still have tact if you add it to the bottom or back of the save-the-date. This shows people that there is somewhere they can look for ideas of gifts BUT not that you are obsessed with the gifts only coming from the registry. Beyond this the use of word of mouth still will work. Tell your family members and when a friend asks your family they can say they are pretty sure you are registered at "Kohls" or wherever. Today, many brides are including cards from the department store where they are registered in their shower invitation. However, this is still never done in the wedding invitation and I don't believe it should be. 2. H​ow can I ask for money instead of a gift? Technically the answer is that you can't. BUT fear not as there are always ways around rules. For example, when my husband and I were wed we were using any money we received to pay for the honeymoon (as many couples do) and saw we had a couple options. The first option, which we personally didn't do, was create a honeymoon fund registry. There are quite a few of these in existence but most that we found charged an arm and a leg processing fee and we could say whether we wanted them to charge it to us after we received all the money (if you do use a fund this is the nicest way for the attendees) or you could have the donor pay it. Just to test it out we set it to charge the donor and my husband's father went to donate $400 by the time he was at the checkout they were going to charge him an additional $50 processing fees. He told us he would rather just write us a check. So instead of doing the honeymoon fund registry we just did word of mouth that we would prefer money as a gift. This was done by doing two things. 1) we created a wedding website that people were able to read about us, our wedding, and our honeymoon aspirations. In the honeymoon section we discussed why we wanted to go to Jamaica and how we were hoping we would be able to. We never flat out said so please give us money instead of a gift but it was a subliminal message (that no one became offended by!). 2) We wrote it on our invitations...now you are all thinking OH NO?!?! But we didn't do what you think. We had a three fold envelope invitation and one of the inserts said all the wedding details (location, activities, etc.) and on the BACK (again subliminal but present) I wrote out a poem I found online. (Here are some examples: http://www.weddingsdevon.org.uk/content/wedding-poems-asking-for-money-as-a-gift.asp). The poem basically stated we have a house, we are well furnished because I have lived in it for nearly four years, but what we truly desire to make our dreams come true is a honeymoon in Jamaica. Guess what!!? It worked! We received a total of ten gifts at most and enough money to pay for the honeymoon...and didn't receive one complaint! So many people loved the idea of the poem on the invitation and thought it was cute no one thought "jeez they are asking for my money instead of a gift." So, as a previous bride and a wedding planner I suggest NOT worrying so much about traditional standards and focus on who you are as a couple and how to make your attendees understand your perspective! 3. How can I let people know that I don't want children at the wedding? This is a fairly difficult question because even if you leave the children's names off the invitation some people will just think it is because they are the adults of the house. One thing I would suggest, which I did but not to leave children off, is to have the invitation state how many seats you have reserved in their honor. This will show that cousin Betsy can't invite her new fling of the week as well as the fact that uncle Gary and his wife can't bring their twelve kids. There are some brides who now write out "Adults Only" on the invitation but just know that occasionally people will bring their children anyway (knowingly or unknowingly of the rule) so don't let this ruin your day! An additional thought from the other side is that if you really want a couple to attend your wedding and they have two children look at their perspective. So now in addition to driving to your venues, dressing up (potentially costing money for new outfits that are appropriate for your wedding) they now must also find a babysitter for their two children (which could also cost them money). So, if you really want those two friends there weigh the pro's and con's to just inviting the children to be present as well. 4. W​ho pays for what in the wedding/reception/rehearsal/etc.? A growing trend is that no one cares! The costs of weddings typically are shared between the bride and her family as well as the groom and his family. So what should you do about your budget? First of all do NOT assume a certain person is covering the cost of something just because of tradition. What I did myself and what I suggest to all my brides and grooms is to sit down together and state who will cover what expenses. Now there are some things that are obvious the bride will get her own dress the groom his tux but who pays for the cake, food, DJ, church, etc. These are all questions you will have to discuss together. and if parent's are willing to help with the wedding (yes it should not be assumed your parents will pay) have them as a part of the meeting as well so you can say who will pay for what. At the same meeting set your budget! So MOB and FOB are willing to spend 2K, MOG and FOG are willing to spend 2K, Groom has 1K saved, etc. And then stick to it! 5. H​ow many invited quests should I expect will actually attend my wedding? The general rule of thumb is if you're having over 200 guests, then you can estimate that about 25-28% of your guests will be unable to attend. If you are having less 200 guests, then the percentage usually decreases to about 15-20% or less. Other factors include how many guests you invite that live out-of-town and the travel distance required to attend the wedding. Remember, every family and guest list is different, so always be prepared in case everyone is able to come! Personally I invited 235 people to my wedding...we setup seats for only 200 because that was the max we were allowed to have (food wise) and that was exactly how many had RSVP'd. I caught wind that at the beginning of the reception we had 20 guests who were unable to make it that had RSVP'd. However, after we were starting everything the caterer told me we had exactly 200 show up. (Thus, we had 20 that did NOT RSVP) that attended as well. So just know anything can happen and you need to be prepared to the best of your ability. 6. What are the MOH (Maid of Honor's) responsibilities? This seems to be a major questions of brides and even MOHs. Why? Because some brides expect EVERYTHING of their MOHs and it is too much stress and others just want to make sure they are giving the MOH enough to feel included. The main role of the MOH is to help the bride in planning the wedding. This typically includes the fun things like shopping for dresses, makeup trials, and hair trials as well as the more tedious tasks like addressing invitations, putting together favors, and even just being there for the bride to vent. The one thing I will say is that many brides expect their MOH to throw a bridal shower and bachelorette party for her...this is not necessarily the case. If you are a bride discuss with your MOH their willingness to do this in advance. If it is an expectation ask them if they feel as though they can handle it PRIOR to telling them you want them to be your MOH. If you accept the MOH position consider doing research prior about traditional expectations and if you don't feel as though you can meet one tell the bride upfront. 7. W​hat is appropriate to wear for a second wedding? This question is a fairly common question and my response to the bride is always, "You do you." I understand you are getting married again but whether it is your first or fifth you dress how you want. Many brides who have been married previously will choose a dress that is simpler dress. This doesn't mean you have to. 'Etiquette specialists" advise second-time brides to not wear a veil or have a long train but who cares. Don't listen to them! This is your special day, and whether you want to wear a pink cocktail dress, white simple dress, or elegant princess dress you do you! Be comfortable in your style, your choice, and enjoy this day you are experiencing. It doesn't matter that you were a bride before what matters is that you want to commit to the person today that is at that alter now...represent yourself and your relationship in what you choose to wear...not what others expect you to.​ 8. H​ow do I personalize my wedding? There are plenty of tips and ideas to make your wedding unique and personal. But, which ideas are right for you? Only you can decide. Think about what is important to you and your fiancé. Think about special interests or hobbies that you share together. Or, maybe there is a special place, the beach or some quaint little Inn you went to when he proposed. Incorporate these elements and these "feelings" into your wedding and it will be truly unique and personal. Do you have expectations set on you already? For example, my husband and I got married in a Catholic church with the reception in the attached building. Many people expected a traditional catholic wedding. We did not disappoint as we are both fairly "traditional" in ways. However, we also are very quirky and have some things we like to. SO...the groomsmen wore cufflinks, socks, and undershirts of superheroes. At the reception I wore TOMS that were decorated with the batman logo as well as "Mr. and Mrs. Heil, Batman Forever and Always, and our wedding date" My bridesmaids made their own jewelry and shoes they wore at the reception and for our pictures as well. At the reception we had a superhero themed photo-booth, batman themed drinks, and a traditional wedding cake (with batman peering out the bottom). Again make the wedding your own! Do things that show tradition if you appreciate tradition and do some things that represent your personalities intertwined and you will have a super wedding! 9. S​hould I tip my wedding vendors? How much? Your caterer or reception site serving the food will include their gratuities with your bill. So, a tip is not necessarily expected by these vendors. As for your other vendors (wedding consultant, band or DJ, limo driver, photographer, etc.), again a tip is still not required. However, if you feel a vendor went above and beyond the call of duty, then feel free to provide them with an extra tip. If you are concerned whether or not a vendor is expecting a tip, then discuss it with them. I will say that when I discussed the notion of a tip with a DJ company hired by a bride they stated that the average tip was around 20% so about $300 to the DJ. I disagreed immensely. A tip is traditionally seen as 20% for meals and restaurants, but tips for services especially at weddings should be considered differently. In case you were wondering the bride was charged roughly $900 for the bill and ended up tipping the DJ $100. Anyway one should decide whether you want to tip or not and if you do decide how much based off of how well the vendor did their job...not because of how much you spent on their overall service through the company. 10. W​hat fee should I pay the clergy doing the services? This question can e difficult especially since most clergy refuse to have a "fee" but they request a donation to the priest and the church. In most cases people will donate between $50 and $100 or more. The main thing to focus on is how well do you know them, if you received pre-cana like services, and if your expectations were met. If you still are not sure how much you should be donating either ask a family member or friend who attends/attended the church and was married there OR go to the church secretary and ask what the average donation is. Again like tipping your vendors this is a personal choice that you have to decide yourself.