15 Things NOT to do When Visiting a Newborn

Many people will want to come see your little one when he or she is born. In our case we have family and friends of course who will want to come. However, below I am going to write out some things NOT to do or think is acceptable when you visit a baby in the hospital:

1. First of all realize what an honor it is that you were even given an invitation to see the baby and happy couple in the hospital to begin with. It is a blessing to be invited not a given. Especially this day and age where many don’t allow visitors to the hospital at all.

2. Do NOT intrude on the couple’s time with their baby. If it is time to breastfeed, skin to skin, or even do testing that is automatically your cue to say thank you for letting me come in we will let you have your privacy. Even if these events don’t happen while you are there remember they are still likely exhausted and will be trying to do the polite thing in having you but it doesn’t mean you get half an hour or more.

3. Do NOT pull out your phone and start snapping pictures. I can’t say this one enough. Many people don’t want you taking pictures of their baby and/or them in the hospital. If they want those pictures a) they will ask you to take them OR b) they likely will have a professional do so.

4. If the couple agrees to let you take a picture do NOT under any circumstance feel that you have the right to share their child’s picture on social media, the internet, or any other form such as sending it to family and friends “privately.” That is literally taking away the couple’s opportunity to share their little one themselves. Also note: some couples do NOT want to have their children’s pictures all over the place anyway due to safety reasons. (Personally I am in this boat and am comfortable with Tomek’s and my security settings but we won’t have others posting all over the web pictures of our son where we cannot moderate it)

5. Do NOT kiss any part of that baby! This should go without saying but some thing that it is okay to do. It isn’t. There are so many germs, viruses, etc. that can be passed to that baby and if you are seeing the baby pre-vaccines (which you are in the first months) then you should NOT attempt to kiss the baby, this includes face, hands, feet, belly, ANYWHERE! This also means don’t hold the baby up to your face.

6. If the couple tells you the baby is here do NOT assume you get to drive over to the hospital immediately and take that baby from the mom’s arms. Ask if you are allowed to come and if so when would be a good time to do so? Remember (especially if you had your own children) it is exhausting having a baby and that mom may need to sleep, heck even that dad will need a breather, they both will likely be hungry, and there are 20 billion things that the hospital has to do with the baby!

7. Sick?! If you are even remotely sick “Cough, Sneezing, tickle in the throat, etc” do NOT go to visit that baby sick!! It goes under the same kissing category with spreading germs and viruses that the baby has no immunity built up for yet! If you think it is allergies, still don’t come. Many times people assume symptoms are just allergies at first and learn a week later they really had the start of a cold, unfortunately by that time the baby has already had the chance to catch whatever you had. So, again just don’t! You can see a baby as soon as you are healthy, otherwise you are just putting that child at an immense amount of risk that isn’t fair to that child. Speaking on sickness this is a good time to say if the couple has requested you to get a TDap shot, that is important! Do NOT show up to the hospital to see the baby (without the Tdap) if you haven't gotten it. Trust us they are asking you to do it for the health of their child. We aren't saying this is typical but we will put it out there: If you choose not to get it or forgot about it and didn't get it 2 weeks prior to the baby's birth Do NOT go to the hospital and "act like you got it" instead help protect their baby and wait until it is safe!

8. Don’t bring a crowd! When you get to go to a hospital the couple are usually told that 1-2 guests may enter at a time. So, don’t expect the entire extended family gets to set-up shop in the couple and baby’s room. Also they may have invited you but that doesn't mean they intended on inviting everyone you packed in the van with you so make sure to ASK first. (In our situation we will be allowed to have 2 guests in the room. However, the current plan is to only allow 1 in at a time just so it doesn’t get to tight or we get overwhelmed---yes we as in Brandi get overwhelmed---by all the people and this will allow for easy rotations through people who want to come see our little guy according to our instructor so we are going to do it this way).

9. Don’t bring children unless the couple has agreed to it. There are so many potential things to consider with bringing a little child to the hospital to visit a newborn. Usually they are in the baby’s face more and thus could get the baby sick easier. If the couple agrees to have an extended family member’s child to go to the hospital because they don’t want to make them get a sitter consider trading off and having 1 family member stay outside the room with the child while the other adult gets to visit with the couple and baby.

10. Don’t disrespect the parent’s wishes. If the parents say you can’t come until a specific time then wait until then. This goes without saying after they are out of the hospital as well. Do NOT just show up to see a newborn because you want to otherwise you risk the chance of really upsetting the couple and putting a strain on the relationship they have with you (as they are stressed, exhausted, and trying to find a rhythm with their new baby).

11. Do NOT forget to sanitize your hands! Washed your hands at home before? Irrelevant. It doesn’t matter you have touched the car, doors, etc to get into the baby room. If the couple is allowing you to hold their little bundle use the hand sanitizer in the room (seriously the hospital puts it there for a reason) and let it air dry (don’t rub it on your clothes or pants!) before you go and hold their healthy little baby.

12. Do NOT give your unsolicited advice. The parents are likely super tired and they are obviously new at this stuff and learning. They will ask you if they want advice until then say nothing and let them do their own thing their way.

13. Do NOT pry. Don’t ask for the long details of the birth story, how breastfeeding is going, etc. They will share when they are ready if they want to. Don’t expect them to tell you the weight, length, birth date, and time when you come in. Most parents save that to share when they formally introduce their baby anyway so you don’t need to know until then. Just enjoy seeing the little one.

14. Don’t make the visit all about you. Extended family (okay we know, grandparents) will sometimes act as though they are the ones who just had the baby. Of course you are beyond thrilled is this your 1st? 4th? Doesn’t matter there is a new bundle of joy and you can’t wait to meet him/her. Don’t push the parents. Remember you were a parent once too and you got to have these moments as a new independent immediate family. So, give the family space and when they are ready to have you in: enjoy time with them and their baby, hold the baby, and make sure mom and dad are still getting their time with their baby, and most of all don’t make it all about grandma/grandpa/aunt/uncle/etc. The adults all already know who has what “title” and the most important in that hospital room will be mommy, daddy, baby, (and siblings if applicable).

15. Gifts? Many guests will bring gifts for the new baby to the hospital. That is wonderful. Just don’t expect the couple to open them right there and then, to put it on the baby, etc. They will graciously accept the gift for their baby and will get to look at it while they are there at some point and of course will thank you for the gift but many may want to have it immediately done and that may just not be possible for the couple, so just follow their lead.

Above all just follow the couple’s lead….I loved that line and thought it was a great ender. When in doubt don’t make any assumptions in the hospital about the couple or newborn you just found out was born. Let the parents decide and follow their wishes. This will create the most relaxing, enjoyable, and happy environment and relationship between you and the family which will likely end in them wanting to have you around later more.