Graduate School: 3 Months Down!

Tuesday, October 20, 2015 When you are in your undergraduate program the most predominantly asked question is what is your major followed by what are you going to do with that degree (especially when you state your major as Psychology I might add!) However, once you start your graduate program you are not really asked these questions anymore...sometimes they are just inferred. HOWEVER questions you will be asked a lot are things along these lines: 1) Wow graduate school that has to be super rough right? (DUH!) 2) So are you at least enjoying it? 3) Yikes that has to cost a lot. THEN you get this line of questioning: 1) So are you looking for a husband? Going to marry a graduate student as well? (to those out there not already married) BUT since I am married I get this line: 1) So you just don't want to have a family anytime soon? 2) Oh no children in your future? 3) Be smart your eggs won't last forever (I know this is a statement but I hear it soo often!) So before I go into detail about the past three months let me say the following...I am happily married, I definitely want children but I also want to be educated and able to support them first, No I do not think it is wise to try and have a child while in my program (that is your own choice), my program is definitely stressful at times, graduate school does in fact cost an arm and a leg but mostly heart, you can get through the program as long as you have your heart in it...I also am only 3 months in but I believe this will still be true at the end of it all. Lastly when I complete my program I plan on attending more school...GASP yes you heard me right I will be going for my PsyD at the same university (University of Indianapolis). Thus, holding off on the family idea until I graduate the final school. Okay now that we have gotten all of that out of the way I am going to give you a month by month look at my graduate school for the past three months. Feelings, thoughts, work, everything will be told here...or at least everything I remember. :) First Month (August): The first month of graduate school was basically a whirlwind of emotions because I was so excited to start school. Disclaimer: I get really excited for a new school year EVERY single year. So I went back to school shopping like crazy. I bought all of my supplies, printed out all of my syllabi as soon as they were posted, and filled out my planner to be organized. This was when I saw the insanity first...the amount of readings is truly crazy. Now I am here to tell you it is still in fact possible to do all the readings! Yep. I know many students don't want to but I was determined to do all the readings. And I did. I managed to do all the readings required, recorded each lecture (when permitted), and took notes over each class.

Beyond the work that was required this month was all about getting acquainted with my new cohort. I formed a study group with a few students and got to know my classmates this way beyond class. Each class the first week consisted of the following: Hello my name is Brandi Heil I graduated from IUPUI with my bachelors in Clinical Psychology and the Psychology of Addictions with minors in Health Education, Social Work, and Spanish. Then we had to answer a question that was asked by the teacher usually asking what our specific interest is: mine being child and adolescent psychology as well as family systems theory implemented in therapy of families with children. However, one class asked what experience I had...this was when I lit up with concern. I heard so many state that they had mental health experience, job experience, to some degree...some for years! I was very concerned at this point because I have worked a lot in my life but never in the mental health field because it just wasn't something you could do without a completed BS/BA or Masters (most often) where I lived. When it was my turn to state all my personal information I decided I would be honest and vulnerable...even though I don't like to appear as such. I said, "I am nervous because I feel as though I already don't belong here because I don't have any "real world" experience in the mental health field. Don't get me wrong I have worked in many settings just not M.H." There was an overwhelming response back to this. The professor explained that many new graduate students feel this way and even "polled" the class and I was able to see I wasn't the only one...just conveniently had the few before me had quite a bit of experience. This did give me a small sense of relief but I still felt as though I didn't quite meet the standards of the program. Second Month (September): The second month of graduate school consisted mainly of making life adjustments. I had to learn how to be a good wife, a great student, and maintain all of my roles that I have (such as my volunteering). I started by sitting my husband down and explaining how I am going to quit making dinners (not that I always did that trust me!), I was going to have to stop doing all of the cleaning of the house, laundry, etc. Part of me hated this but the first month I was trying to do it all and I was ending each week overly emotional, extremely stressed, and feeling as though everything was impossible. It took a week or two to implement the new "lifestyle" I had suggested. Truthfully my husband is also a student and graduates in December. This has lead to the most hectic semester for him as well. So, although he willingly offered to take over the responsibilities I had once held and really started off strong I also had to learn to let go. I am fairly obsessive about orderliness, cleanliness, etc. BUT since I wasn't able to do it I had to let the expectations go. He would clean everything and get everything done nicely but it would be on his own time. This lead to some tension a bit but we did figure it out for the most part (even now I still get nervous/anxious about it sometimes).

So since I got rid of my responsibilities I was able focus even more on completing the readings for my classes, doing homework assignments, and devoting my time to my graduate development. So what was I feeling during this month? I think a general concern for my studies, a devotion to doing well, and a fairly standard level of stress. During this month I actually planned a bonfire at my house for my cohort and it provided to be a great way to get to know each other a little more and see who we are outside of school. Beyond this I celebrated my birthday with my husband and had a fairly normal, semi-calm, typical month. Third Month (October): This month is the time of supreme stress...why? Because this month was our first exams (midterms!). I vowed to study as much as humanly possible. I studied really well for the first exam and felt as though I did well, which I did. Then came the second exam which was my Learning and Behavioral Treatment class with Dr. Warman. The Masters two students (our mentors) had warned us that this exam was truly the hardest. I started studying more intensely the evening after I finished the first exam which was three days of studying. I actually skipped class that I had the next day...a regret I have still but the teacher did not mind. I just felt as though I wouldn't be present in class because my brain was too stressed about the exam I had the very next day.

I studied all morning into the evening of that day and then took my midterm at 7:45am...did I mention I am so not a morning person. Anyway I went through the exam and felt as though I knew everything perfectly. I couldn't understand how so many previous students said it was the hardest. Then the grades came back. Now I should note I still did rather well but I was upset because I truly thought I maybe missed 2 points on the test. Come to find out I had missed more than that and it made me concerned about the false feelings of perfection the test had made me feel. The grade was posted the same day.

Now I had one more midterm to focus on....and the one I feel as though will be the most difficult...I must memorize quite a few disorders, criteria, specifiers, and prevalence/incidence of each disorder from the DSM-5. I will provide you an update on this when I actually take the exam. I am studying still to this moment for this test as it won't actually be until AFTER fall break...which also kind of stinks but is good in a different way. It is a pain because I want to be done prior to the fall break BUT it is good because I was able to focus more on each exam and have more time to study for each without overlap. So, when I take the test and receive feedback I will put an update for this month. Prior to midterms I was feeling really nervous and incapable however, now that I have completed two of the three I really feel more like with a lot of work I can do this and I am just as capable as the next guy because it is all about the effort I put in to the process...and I will give it my all! Also beyond midterms I have had to write papers and make observations more recently. Although one paper had difficult graphs to make I rather enjoy writing and tend to do very well (I will let you know how I did when I find out) so although a lot of work I actually love writing more than exams. (In my undergraduate studies I had a class where I wrote a 15-20 paper in replace of the exams four times because I hate exams but enjoy writing) The last thought I have for you is in regards to my practicum...I am so excited to be able to go out on practicum next year and actually gain some real world experience. I am just hoping that I will be able to have a child and adolescent focused practicum...as many people want this type but there are few available. So this is probably the main thing I am stressing about in considering right now. Well this is all from me for now. Enjoy your days and know that I am always here if you have questions in regards to graduate school, wedding planning, or life! :)